Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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