Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize