We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
