If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
