it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
