I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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