you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
