she told me i tasted like america
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
