Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
