So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
