I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
