OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
