Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
