She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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