but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
