There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
