That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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