As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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