if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
