I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
