I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
