I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
