Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
