now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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