well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
