Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
