The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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