Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
