i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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