I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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