There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
