I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize