You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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