It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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