Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
