Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
