Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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