He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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