about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
