the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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