Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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