Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
