I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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