it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
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Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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