you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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