:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
