The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
