we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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