In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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