right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
