im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
is wine microwaveable?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
