Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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