actually, I'm a sock model
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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