so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
