My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
