Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
