we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
