I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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