This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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