he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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