It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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