im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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