Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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