apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
