he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
