shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
